Slowly pimping my blogsite

For years I have resisted adding any design features to my bare-bones blog design. I think I did this out of laziness more than anything else. Or perhaps I was influenced by the editor of a small newspaper where I used to work. It was a black-and-white rag — and when we dared to suggest that he consider adding color to the newspaper, he shot back: “I will NOT have this newspaper dolled up like some dime-store hussy!” Well, I’m finally making a concession to modern times. I’ve added an actual graphic to this blog, featuring my unsmiling face during a desert survival hike some years back. I took this photo of myself, using a disposable camera, during a heatwave, as the thermometer edged to 105 degrees. At the time of this photo, I had just escaped from an ornery, grazing bull, and had returned to the trail after taking…

Beer Woods: the best hiking trail in America?

This week is the 100th anniversary of Muir Woods. To mark the occasion, Amy and I went on the best day hike in America. The scenery is very nice — old-growth and second-growth redwoods on bluffs marching out toward the Marin County coastline — but this is hike has the best amenity that I’ve ever seen in the woods — an actual, functioning beer bar, smack in the middle of the forest!!! You don’t even have to hike out of the woods to get to it. You just walk right up and there it is, right on the trail, like some kind of hallucination. (that’s what I love about this San Francisco area. People are always thinking of interesting ways to combine unhealthy and healthy activities in one convenient package.) This bar in the woods has wheat bear, lagers, and dark beer in enormous tankards. My only pieces of advice:…

Some thoughts about toadsucking

In my blog, I run an occasional item about the various Dan Whites of the world. This week’s Dan White (no relation)is a prosecutor who commented recently about the illegality of toadsucking. Here is the actual article, from the Associated Press: “Law enforcement authorities have discovered that people are willing to go to great lengths to get high, including a troubling new method that features a frightened toad. “Toad smoking,” which is a substitute for “toad licking,” is done by extracting venom from the Sonoran Desert toad of the Colorado River. The toad’s venom – which is secreted when the toad gets angry or scared – contains a hallucinogen called bufotenine that can be dried and smoked to produce a buzz. In October, a Kansas City man was charged with possessing a controlled substance after Clay County authorities determined he possessed a toad with the intent to use its venom…

Wipe the Christmas spirit from your shoes

Well, it’s that time of year again. The Christmas spirit has descended on the Haight Ashbury section of San Francisco. The free television — donated by some generous soul — still sits on the street corner, waiting for adoption. With every passing day, someone takes time out of his or her busy schedule to kick over the television set, or scrape it with a sharp object. Now that the holidays are upon us, people are slowing down the pace, engaging in witty repartee, and excusing themselves from the pesky burdens of every day life, such as bothering to clean up after their dogs. Just the other day, I saw a hale fellow and a young woman sharing a laugh as their waiting dogs relieved themselves copiously on the sidewalk. Four days later, the souvenir of their conversation remains at the corner of Waller and Masonic, just waiting for other people…

Pimp my cataracts

You won’t believe this. Yesterday, I went into a San Francisco spectacles store, hoping to buy a new pair of eyeglasses. I was trying to pay attention to all the fashionable oversized glasses, with huge black nerdy rims, but found it very hard to concentrate. Why? Because there was a DJ spinning and scratching records right in the middle of the store! There I was, squinting at the merchandise, looking at price tags, and trying very hard to ignore the WACKA WACKA WOCKA WOOKA WOCKA racket coming from the speakers, and the scratching, and the 20-something DJ wearing earphones and grooving to himself. I asked Amy why anyone in his or her right mind would put a DJ in the middle of an eyeglass emporium. “It’s the hipsters,” she said. “They want eyeglasses to be a ‘hip’ experience.” Now I understand. They’re trying to make medical problems funky, social, countercultural,…

A prose poem about a stranger’s generosity

Someone left a battered TV on the sidewalk near my house this morning. The electrical cord has been snipped. A fretwork of cracks extends across the casement. Dust covers the exterior. A dog has relieved itself on the side of television. The whole thing looks like someone either stomped on the top of it or smacked it with a baseball bat. And, to top it all off, someone left a yellow Post-It on the back of the TV set with the words: “FREE!! REALLY WORKS!!” I didn’t want to let this overwhelming act of generosity to go unheralded. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

The other Dan White: non-protester causes a non-stir at non-event

Every once in a while, I like to check in on the other Dan Whites of this world and highlight their strange behavior. There are many of us out there (hundreds!) Most of us Dan Whites are peculiar but harmless — with the exception of that one truly terrible “Dan White” that will never be mentioned in this blog. My favorite recent “Dan White” item comes from a BBC news website, which mentioned a nonprotester named “Dan White” (no relation) who organized an undemonstration about nothing in particular. He held a a cardboard placard signifying nothing, with no message of any kind. His utter purposelessness fuddled the cops. They didn’t know quite what to do with him. Did Mr. White need a non-protest permit to hold his un-demonstration? When asked what he was doing, Mr. White refused to say. The police gave up and left him alone. According to an…

Mysteries of the Haight

Why are there so many crepe places in this neighborhood? How come you never see anyone eating at any of those aforementioned crepe places? What’s up with all the enormous puppies on hemp leashes? How come there are two “People’s” coffee shops — and they are right next door to each other? Why does the smaller organic food store near Clayton have only one employee — and he seems to be there, and wide awake, 24 hours a day, whenever you pop into the store? Why does our only local taqueria put peas in their burritos? http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default