Dan White

I’m thinking of auctioning off my cell phone and cat on eBay. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

I’ve just returned home after my latest wild adventure, which included traveling alongside (and at one point inside) a frothing river, exploring farmland and forests and passing through one extremely long tunnel. I almost collided with a huge snake and a small yappy dog at one point. I’m glad I had back-up support on this one! Aside from a couple of very small nicks and bruises, I’m perfectly fine, although I’m pretty sleepy at the moment. I’ll have a detailed story about this experience in the very near future, and will link it to this blog. Meanwhile, my obese 20-pound cat is furious about my absence and keeps trying to sit on my trachea while I’m sleeping. Revenge is the motivation. (This is a difficult situation because I can’t breathe without the use of my trachea.) http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

In case you haven’t seen this already, here is a disturbing article by Paul Rogers about the potential closing of many state parks (including my beloved Nisene Marks.) http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

Perhaps I’ll see you out on the Eastern Seaboard. I’ll be out there soon on business for a brief spell. This will be a good chance for me to have some exciting new adventures and let my tennis elbow heal before my obese cat sits on my arm again. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

I think my cellphone has burned a hole through my cornea. I’m having retinal flashes. Maybe it’s part of the new “instant blindness” app. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

Seriously. I know that I have about a dozen Cactuseates blog emails that I need to answer. It’s just that I have limited communications capability at the moment. For context, see previous entries about 1. obese cat, 2. tennis elbow caused by obese cat sitting on my arm after almost choking me, 3. WiFi reception complications and, finally, 4: cell phone that has been rendered almost un-usable because of horrendous light shooting out of it. Will be back in touch as soon as these issues are resolved. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

I know this has nothing to do with hiking or my book (or anything that relates to your life in any way) but I’m growing frustrated with my enormously obese cat. For one thing, he is becoming disoriented and gets lost in my apartment — and it only has three rooms. For another, he only eats certain kinds of cat food that disagree with him — violently. And finally, he needs to be reminded to drink water because he forgets that he’s thirsty. Time to try a new diet. And get a cat-training manual. (In the original version of this post, I said, “Time to get a dog,” but I was only joking.) http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

I brought my cellphone to Verizon Wireless but they couldn’t figure out how to turn off the horrible blinding white light. I am going to hit it with a hammer and see if that helps. http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

As you all know, I’m having problems with my WiFi, but now I have no means of communicating with the outside world at all. The problem is my cell phone. Yesterday I went to Miranda Weiss’s great reaading in the Marina. I was having a great time, but when I glanced at my cell phone, I noticed a blinding, obnoxious white light shooting out of the top of the phone!! It is (literally) blinding, and it runs down the battery so quickly that I can’t possibly juice it up. I can’t figure out how to fix the problem. On the good side, some of my friends think the blinding light looks “very cool,” and now they want blinding lights on their cell phone too. Also, my cell phone makes a pretty good flashlight. The question is, how is anyone going to contact me now? (You might try sending me a…

Last week, I posed the question: Why don’t woodpeckers get concussions, or, at the very least, terrible headaches from bashing their faces against trees all day?I did a little research, and I found the answer: For one thing, they tend to choose sponge-y, soft wood for drilling purposes. For another, they slam straight into a tree in a way that maximizes impact to the wood while protecting them against head trauma (much the same way that a hammer slams a nail.) And, finally, they have unusually strong neck muscles, which absorb most of the shock. I’m glad no one answered this question because I ran out of prizes two weeks ago (and, as you know, the prize that I sent out has fallen apart.) http://cactuseaters.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default