Embittered store manager seeks cashier

My neighborhood has a fashion boutique that is often empty. I avoid going in there because they sell punk rock lace-up boots that would look very silly on me if I ever put them on. But the other day I noticed a bitter, profanity-laced (and unintentionally hilarious!) help wanted sign in the window.

By the time I showed up with my pen and my blogging notebook, someone had taken the sign down. This is my best effort at a ‘total recall’ version.

“The store is looking for a cashier. If you apply, be professional about it. Don’t just take a crumpled-up wad of paper out of your pocket and hand it to me! That kind of thing will get you nowhere in life. And no, we do NOT have application forms. Also, be aware of the fact that we deal with a lot of freaks, losers, druggies, weirdoes who smell like (EXPLETIVE) and (EXPLETIVES) who we are always asking to move along. Also, the days can be quite long, and, sometimes, very boring.

Think you can handle it??”


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