“I’ll just try to eat around it” — (never eat an apricot with a hole in it)

Just got back from a Santa Cruz-area farmer’s market, where I paid $5 a pound for fancy apricots. One of them looked so good that I started eating it in spite of the obvious hole in it. “I’ll just eat around it,” I said to myself.

So there I was, chomping away, but when I got to the pit, there was a fat, juicy, disgusting earwig sitting in the middle of that apricot, clacking its mandibles, wiggling its antenna, with a “what the &%$@ are you looking at?” expression on its face.

The weird thing is, the bug was so much bigger than the hole it must have crawled into to go inside the apricot in the first place. I guess he hung out there for a while, eating the inside of the apricot and getting so fat that he couldn’t get out again, like the squirrel protagonist in Timmy Tiptoes. Next time I’ll stick with the nectarines.

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