Lately I have been getting large, smelly piles of Spam in the “bulk file” section of my Cactuseaters inbox every morning, so I need to institute a brand new policy. Spammers, please read this carefully.
1. From now on, all senders of Spam (messages starting with “dearest,” people offering me millions of dollars from fake sweepstakes, etc) will be subject to seven years of bad karma.
2. Not only that, but their teeth will turn green, their hair will fall out in ragged clumps and they will have halitosis for the rest of their lives.
I don’t wish to implement this new policy but the Spam has gotten out of hand.
So Spammers, please print out this message and put it somewhere close to your computer terminal and read it before you send.